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Humor

Humor in the real estate business. 

The party

Several year ago, I owned a six unit apartment building in Clifton that was rented primarily to students. One night at about two am the phone at home rang. Yes, yes, yes, I said, and hung up. My wife, having also been awakened asked me what was going on. I told her that I had to go to the apartment building. At 2am, why, she asked? The fraternity next to the apartment just called to complain about the party going on. Why are you going, she persisted? Because if a fraternity calls to complain, it must be one hell of a party, and I don’t want to miss it!!!

The Snake
I was selling a house that was rented by a rock-n-roll band. They asked me not to show the attic bedroom. "There is a large snake up there that we use for our act". OK, no problem. As we were previewing the property, we went up to the attic. I noticed that the off-limits room had a crack under the door that was about two inches high. I was concerned, and asked about the possibility of the snake getting out. One of the rockers said that I didn’t need to worry. "It's a very large boaconstricter, and it wouldn’t fit under the gap in the door.  Trust me, I didn’t open that door. 

 

The Closing
Pete S owned a 1,500 SqFt warehouse building in the Pendelton area in downtown Cincinnati. He leased half of it to a limo service for them to garage their cars overnight. The other half contained his small business of selling landscaping rocks(the small white stones that were fashionable in the early 1970's in gardens). He loved spending a few hours a day in his warehouse. His spouse determined that it was time for him to sell his building. I met Pete in the lobby bar to go over terms and sign a sales listing agreement. We met there two or three times more to negetiate offers. I put a deal together, and arrived at the Closing on the agreed upon day. Pete was over an hour late. This was pre-cell phone days, and his wife told us that he had left quite some time ago. The Buyers and their attorney became quite nervous. I assured them that he would show up, and continued my silent prayers. 

Finally, Pete arrives. Within 5 minutes, the alcohol on his breath was so overwhelming that the oor to the conference room had to be opened. No, it was determined that he had not been at the same school nor particularly in the same class as the two brothers buying his building. Their attorney noticing that he was signing documents in pencil, stopped the proceedingsd, to have new documents printed that could be signed in pen. While we were waiting, Pete insisted that they had all gone to school together. Finally new documents arrived, they were signed in ink, I grabbed Pete's arm, and we were in the elevator heading down and out of the closing office. I thought to myself that I was glad that I was there, and that he had an ally at the closing. I have been to post closing celebrations, but this was the first, and only PRE-CLOSING celebration that I have witnessed. 

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